Bluestocking Journal

Real history, through the eyes of a fictional person

Tag: university

Sunday, December 29, 1912

Since there is no newspaper today, I shall simply quote another joke from the Siren. This one is attributed to the Yale Record:

Sportive Student (in booth): “Hello, Central, give me hic-heaven.”

Acid tone from receiver: “If I wasn’t a lady I’d give you—”

Click!

Monday, December 23, 1912

This is so sweet! The University students who were barred from the Saintz club dance—because they brought chorus girls as dates—got together their own impromptu dance in College Hall, with the four “Mother Goose” girls as guests of honor. “It was stated today that the young women belong to excellent families and that one’s mother is chaperoning the four while on the tour. Miss Nora Busey of this city is acquainted with them and had them for her guests on an automobile ride whie [sic] the company was here.”

From Rhinebeck, New York, comes the headline “RICH MEN HEAR SUFFRAGISTS.” Vincent Astor, Frederick Vanderbilt, Mrs. Vanderbilt, and Miss Huntington came upon the five suffragettes who are hiking to Albany, as the women were addressing a crowd of 300 in front of the hotel. “The five women have now covered 98 miles of their journey. All are in good spirits.”

And goodness me, there are female highwaymen (highwaywomen?) in Boston!

Saturday, December 21, 1912

Four University students brought show girls as dates to the Saintz dance in Elks’ hall and were asked to leave. When it became known that the girls were from the “Mother Goose” chorus, currently appearing at the Walker, there was “indignant whispering,” and the Saintz were asked to oust the offending couples. “It fell to Chancey Finfrock to extend the invitation to the octette to do the vanishing act, which he did with as much gallantry as the circumstances would permit.” Saintz club members admit that the chorus girls were well mannered and did nothing objectionable while in the hall.

Elsie Slade is missing again, a colored chiropodist wept “great scalding, briny tears” over his arrest, a housewife whipped an impudent tramp, and a Missouri girl played piano while her school burned to the ground.

Sunday, December 15, 1912

The Daily Illini bored me again today, so once again I turned to my copy of the Siren, the university humor magazine. Here is an article I found there:

Tea drinking, to our mind, is a vicious habit and a dangerous weapon. To our certain knowledge this herb has been instrumental several times in late months, to bacheloricide with malice afore thought, or marriage in the first degree. And this under our very eyes;—perpetrated by honored ladies of the faculty;—consummated under the shadow of a statue of learning.

The plot is this. Two or more ladies, of culture and graces beyond question, combine resources and establish quarters wherein they may furnish tea and aesthetic language to eligible bachelors on the faculty.

The unmarried males arrive. Tea is served. The males speak thus: “What de-l-icious tea!” “Yes, simply go-orgeous.” “What charming apartments!” “So bohemian!” Oh gracious, I have spilled a drop of tea on my trousers. Oh no—nevermind—not at all! It will not hurt them a bit.” This occupies the first hour.

Then comes the dirty work. The ladies begin to smile naughtily and make such appalling jokes as: “When the mice are away the old cat must play” (High tenor giggle from the men) or “What would Mrs. So-and-So say if she knew” (frightened little laugh) or “I just love these little parties—they are so deliciously naughty. But you mustn’t tell a soul” (pursed lips and mockingly stern finger).

The deed is did. Murder is out. The demoralizing atmosphere is too many for the Professors—they succumb.

The women must be women. Have they not in care the instruction of younger women? The men are surely men for they are intrusted with the making of other men. Yet—well—I suppose it’s that darned tea.

Sunday, December 8, 1912

“If the Twin Cities do not resemble Pittsburgh this morning, it is not the fault of the 400 sophomores who attended the soph smoker last night. All those of the class of ’15 who had ever smoked before and others who were doing their best to act as if they had; did their best with cigars, cigarets, and pipes to befog the atmosphere of the Twin Cities.” Assistant Dean Warnock was the principal speaker, a quartet provided music, and a flashlight was taken of the assembled sophomores at the end of the program.

he has nothing better to do

Sunday, November 24, 1912

The humorist whose ad I pasted in some days ago, Strickland W. Gillilan, evidently was very entertaining during a lecture (of sorts) that he gave at the University. He insisted it wasn’t a lecture. “It is about as appropriate to call it a lecture,” he said, “as it is to say that one dreams a chicken when he takes off every bit of clothes it has.” He is an optimist but objects to the common definition of the term. “The person who is going around all the time ha-haling and saying that everything is all right when he knows it isn’t true, isn’t an optimist. He’s a cheerful idiot.”

The Lyric theater has secured a booking for the photo play, “Queen Elizabeth,” with Mme. Sarah Bernhardt in the title role. “This picture is the first of a series that are now being produced in which famous stars of the legitimate stage will appear in their own productions. This gives lovers of the silent drama an opportunity to see the world’s greatest actors and actresses in the plays they have made famous.” The picture will be shown on Wednesday, November 27, “complete in four reels and no advance in prices.”

Saturday, November 23, 1912

John Schrank, the man who shot Theodore Roosevelt, has been examined by a team of alienists and declared to be insane. He will be committed to an asylum at Oshkosh, Wisconsin.

Here in town, Arthur Ogle, the Illini editor charged with contempt of court for publishing an editorial, was fined $10 and costs. Judge Philbrick said that the penalty was slight for such an attack on the integrity of the grand jury. “If it had been published in an ordinary newspaper of general circulation I should impose a severe penalty.”

Thursday, November 21, 1912

W. C. Woodward, University of Illinois class of 1911, broke the world record for working the way around the globe. He completed his tour of the world in 245 days. “In Paris he sang American ragtime songs to amuse frequenters of the cafes.” Woodward, a crack swimmer, now resides in Chicago but is back in Champaign for the time being.

The United States government launched a sudden crusade against “physicians and manufacturers who exploit for profit the demand for methods conducive to race suicide.” Postal inspectors in all parts of the country conducted raids simultaneously. A total of 173 persons were brought in, charged with using the mails to promote criminal medical practices or the sale of materials for illegal purposes. Most of those arrested are “pill doctors” who operate using the mail. I am still trying to figure out what exactly is meant by “race suicide,” but it must be very important, since “BLOW TO RACE SUICIDE” is one of the headlines.

Sunday, November 17, 1912

A representative of the Pathe-Freres Company of Chicago attended yesterday’s game and took two hundred and thirty feet of film. “The pictures will in all probablility be released about four weeks from now, when they will be shown in the Lyric Theater along with the Pathe Weekly.”

And there is an announcement of a new campus restaurant:

Saturday, November 16, 1912

The case of Arthur Ogle, the editor of the Illini who is charged with contempt of court for having published an editorial condemning the methods of the grand jury charged with investigating the student riot, has been continued one week. Judge Harker, dean of the College of Law, asked for leniency because of Ogle’s youth. “If that article had been written by a mature man, I can see that he would be deserving of punishment but here we have a boy, not yet twenty years of age, who hasn’t the discretion he will have a few years later.”